Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
