I smell stomach acid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
