What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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