He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
