I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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