My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
