What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
