its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
