I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I just put wine in my tea
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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