So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
