how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
