saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
