a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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