We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
