Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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