I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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