I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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