So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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