mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
