1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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