i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
