Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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