Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
