I bet he comes in French.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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