dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
