you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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