I'm going to jail i love you
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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