My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
