my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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