She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
