you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
