Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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