i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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