so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
