At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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