How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
