Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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