We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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