So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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