Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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