We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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