please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
