My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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