I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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