Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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