Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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