I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
