your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
