i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I forget how to act sober
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
