Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
