Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
