i think my tv is drunk
i just google imaged poop.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
