Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
