I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
