Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
