For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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