I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
