The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I died a long time ago.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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