I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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