Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
