I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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