I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
