His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
