what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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