omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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