i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
