I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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