She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
