Sponge bath it is.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
