She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
