Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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