This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
