so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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