So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
