Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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