Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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