google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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